- He's 12.5 weeks old and will be three months old on Friday.
- At his last pediatrician's appointment, he weighed 7 lb. 7.9 oz. (I think he's close to 8 lb. now)
- The only toy he is taken with so far is his little stuffed Eeyore
Like most people, Paul and I love Christmas. We were married at Christmastime and love the decorations, the songs, the sacred and the secular. I didn't think anything could top it- until we experienced it with Joshua. Suddenly, we were examining the traditions we had as children and were deciding how to blend them and what things to add to make our own family's traditions. Though still too little to understand, Joshua was enthralled with the lights and his two favorite things to stare at are the Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle piece and the felt advent calendar from Paul's childhood that hangs up behind my rocking chair downstairs. We've seriously considered leaving these things up year round.
To make things even more memorable, my parents were able to fly in Christmas morning and spend the next four days with us. I've spoken of the healing that is taking place in my heart and in Paul's, but it extends beyond us. My sweet parents have comforted and supported a brokenhearted daughter who has had this open wound of childlessness and infertility throughout her adult life. What a special experience to see my Dad cuddling with Joshua in the rocking chair and to hear my Mom sing the same songs to Joshua that she sang to me and my siblings. We're trying to get Joshua to eat more, and one evening I was so stressed because he wouldn't eat well that I broke down crying. I'm the mom. I'm supposed to get him to eat when no one else can, right? My Mom just slipped over to me and said, "Let me take him." She's been doing that my whole life- when something is too hard for me to bear, she's at my side helping me carry it.
So Christmas was wonderful and there was a lot of tag-team napping going on. I'm finding out (and I have a sneaking suspicion that this state of being does not go away) that a lot of being a parent is being exhausted a good amount of the time. It doesn't sound hard to take care of someone who spends the day eating, getting his diaper changed, and sleeping, but, dang it, IT IS sometimes. Though mostly good-natured and easy to soothe, Joshua has his days when he's fussy and fretful. I know I'm going to say the most obvious thing here, but those are TOUGH. I've tried to find reasons- like gas pains or growth spurts, but I wonder if sometimes there isn't a reason and he's just out of sorts. Knowing that these days "too shall pass" help get me through (though those moments of calm normally come after a good cry).
Something that I'm trying to find the balance of is advice on how to raise Joshua. Trying to do this "right," I've done reading and research and have been given some great advice by friends and family. However, I'm finding that some of it contradicts the other stuff and that by trying to follow all of it, I get stressed out. I've come to the conclusion that I need to listen to and seek good information and advice and then see what fits for our family. It's not going to look the same as other families because Paul, Joshua, and I are different people & that's ok. There's a lot of freedom and relief in that conclusion.
Grumpiness at this age is usually gas, however, he could also be starting to get teeth. It may seem earlier than normal, but in my experience babies are all over the board with it. Relax- babies won't starve themselves. A book I use to teach my Child Development students is "How to get your kid to eat, but not too much" by Ellyn Satter. It's mostly for toddlers and up- but the same division of responsibility is used throughout the lifespan. Basically- parents decide what, when, and how food is presented, and children decide how much and if. If he's growing fine, there's nothing to worry about. Growth spurts can cause an increase in appetite, but then when the growing levels out, the appetite goes back down and we, as parents, worry because baby isn't eating like usual. It's a learning process for both parents and babies. Relax, you are doing everything right!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the good info.
DeleteThe ONLY advice I give any new parent (and only when appropriate or asked) is to do what works for you. I’m so glad to hear you have found this out sooner rather than later. With the plethora of information at our fingertips and opinions that come directly after, it is too easy to be overwhelmed and then feel judged. The only right way to care for a child is to do your best to provide a caring/nurturing environment. Some would say as long as he’s happy and healthy that’s all you can ask for. I say even if he isn’t, if you are doing whatever you can to nurture him (including taking time for yourself so you have the energy to do it), then he will be all the better for it. Tears are a given. You will question yourself, you may be so tired you can’t think straight, emotions will boil over but in the end the love that sees you through it all is the best thing that you are providing- even when it doesn’t immediately calm him. Lots of love cousin!
ReplyDeleteDom, this helps my heart so much. Thank you for taking the time to reply. Love you.
DeleteWhen a baby is crying, you go through the checklist: gas, diaper, hungry, tired, pain, etc., and when you've ruled those out, who knows? Babies get bored, and sometimes they just cry. Whatever advice you do take, you won't "mess" Joshua up, and he will survive it all. Be at peace at following your gut and taking the advice of those who you implicitly trust and have done this before. Every baby is different, and what works for others may not work for Josh. You're doing great. Hang in there. The exhaustion is a state of being for a long while, but before you know it, he'll start sleeping through the night, and it'll get better.
ReplyDeleteOh, Emily, thank you for your words of comfort and encouragement.
DeleteYou are doing amazing! You are the author of your own parenting manual for your own family. Thank you for sharing it as you write it here. You and Paul are rocking this- even when you feel like you are not! Joshua is one lucky boy. Love you!
ReplyDeleteMy only advice I give to new moms is to do the research, throw most of it out, and do what feels right for you. Joshua was sent to you for a reason -- you and your thoughts and impressions are what he needs. There is something unique that only you can give him, and he you.
ReplyDeleteI love seeing the joy in your eyes and hearing it through your words. Sending my love!
You are amazing, as always. Seek the spirit to know what to do and you will do just fine. Joshua is a luck boy to go to such an amazing home with amazing parents, you are doing great! Love and hugs.
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